Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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