Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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