The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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