So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
