Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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