using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
