I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
