I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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