I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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