just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize