Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
MIDGETS
????
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
