I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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