it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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