Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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