like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't deserve a penis
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
