i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize