If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I party with great urgency now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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