u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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