my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
