But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
