Plan B is the new Plan A
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
