This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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