I think my fart just growled at me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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