not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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