Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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