You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
