My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Enjoy the penises
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
