White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
