Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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