I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
