Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize