I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
