Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dicks are not precious.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
