You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize