i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
