So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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