she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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