What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
