No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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