dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
