News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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