I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
