So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
