i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
