she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
