His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
