It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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