direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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