he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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