She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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