i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
