I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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