is your mom at the bar?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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