drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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