So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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