Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
