i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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