He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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