Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
